mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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