i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
