Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
