So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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