He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
