i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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