everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
