Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize