saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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