dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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