You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize