yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
