He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
