were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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