So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
