brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize