Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
