I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
