We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I skipped work to stalk him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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