u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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