i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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