Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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