I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
