You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
