May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
