My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
