The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
