just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
