i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
