i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
