Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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