you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
