Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
