I faked an abortion last night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize