So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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