just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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