I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
