okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize