Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
