it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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