from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
