Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
