Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
