I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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