I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
