listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
