we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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