take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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