Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
