Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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