Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
