5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
