you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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