Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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