someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
