I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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