Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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