i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was like eating out sand paper
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
