I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
