how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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