In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize