I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
