Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
