I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
