when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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