oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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