he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So. Much. Porn.
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