JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
