I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize