Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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