we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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