Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
