she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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