Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize