i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize