Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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